Let’s Talk About Death, Baby

I was recently having a conversation about personal beliefs surrounding life and death with some co-workers. I don’t like to share a lot of my personal beliefs in the workplace because I don’t always think it’s appropriate. That being said, I think this is a much more appropriate space for this discussion. I often get into situations where people want to compare notes on life and death. I’m usually the lady who keeps her mouth shut while others pose their questions and state their areas of confusion. I may throw in a little food for thought as I see fit, but I almost always avoid the conversation altogether. I enjoy listening to other people’s takes on why we’re here, why we die and what happens after death. I find it interesting to hear how people come to the conclusions they come to. My beliefs are always way off from those around me, but I’d like to share them here, in case anyone has interest in hearing them and how I arrived at a place where I no longer have questions or confusion.

I came to a few conclusions based on experience. My views on what happens when we die changed pretty dramatically after a three day stay in the ICU. I was hovering somewhere up in the left hand corner of the room watching my body being poked and prodded by doctors and nurses. I watched people come and go. I listened to them as they spoke to me and to one another. It wasn’t until many years later that I remembered any of this, but I remember it clear as day now. The most prominent memory is how I felt — completely at ease. I had no fear, no regret, no sadness. All I felt was peace, love and a complete lack of curiosity about what I was seeing. I knew that my body was in a state of healing and that I was no longer in it all the time. When I was in my body I was in and out of understanding where I was. I was regretful and frightened and frustrated. When I was out of the body I had zero fear and all I felt was relief. Relief from the dense emotions of being human. Like I’d been on a long, relaxing vacation and everything was as it should be. When I began to recall these experiences, a lot of my personal beliefs were shattered, but it was actually kind of exciting to have some answers where there were none before. I began reading articles and books about other people’s experiences

and a lot of things became much more clear.

Many years later and quite unexpectedly, I lost one of my best friends. I attended the viewing with her family and this was the moment of truth for me. Standing in a room with a body was interesting in a couple of ways. At first I was completely mortified to be standing there. All I wanted to do was leave. I was so terrified to see her and I recall thinking that I wanted to remember her as she was in life and not lying in a box surrounded by the tears of her loved ones. If ever there was a moment to be strong for her family, this was it, so I walked right up to the casket with the full intention of freaking out. I thought I was going to lose my damn mind at the sight of her, but that’s not what happened at all. As a matter of fact, I became more interested than afraid. Upon closer examination, it wasn’t her at all. This was one hundred percent her body, but that was all it was. She wasn’t anywhere in that room. I couldn’t feel her. I stared at the biological robot that was once inhabited by my beautiful friend and it was so foreign to feel nothing at all. No energy whatsoever. I paid my respects and I said a few words and I even went so far as to touch her hand. Nothing. This moment was pivotal for me. I had real proof, in my eyes, that we are the spirit and the energy that animates the body, but we are definitely not the body. I think my ex husband thought I was totally bonkers the rest of the afternoon as I sat staring out the window at nothing. I cried my tears at the loss of her and I cried tears of confusion. I was having some cognitive dissonance about it and it would be a bit before I came to any real conclusions about my beliefs.

It wasn’t long after this experience that some other facts became clear to me. I had many stories of run-ins with spirits or ghosts. I began speaking with the dead as a teenager, but as an adult I realized I’d been doing it most of my life without even thinking about it. I thought I was playing games that everyone played. It never occured to me that it was anything until I was older and realized that I was, indeed, different. My friend that had passed and I shared a love of all things mystical and magical. We shared a lot of these stories with one another when she was alive and we had always said that we would be best friends forever and after we passed we would have great fun haunting people together. Back then I didn’t know how true that would be! We had even tried our hands at reading tarot together. When she was gone, I picked up a deck to try to feel closer to her and it was one of the most amazing things I ever did. It changed everything in my life.

When I started reading tarot, I also started to dabble in meditation. Learning about meditation actually helped me to understand how to discern between my energy, and the energies of others. It put into perspective for me that we each had our energy signature that was ours alone. When I began to understand that what I was feeling and associating with people was their energy signature, everything about my experience with the body began to make sense. It was also becoming clear to me that I had been connecting with energies of people even in their absence all my life. I just didn’t have a reference for what I was doing. I knew now that I had been connecting with my friend after she had passed away. I had been speaking with her and what I had originally thought was just me having a conversation with her in my head was actually me having a conversation with her spirit, as I was able to feel her presence when it was happening. That was when the fun began. I started asking her for signs. I got them. I asked her to help me get rid of someone who was staying in my house and taking advantage of my kindness. She did. I asked her for answers to questions and she answered. And every time I connected to her energy, I felt her with me. And I wasn’t the only one witnessing these signs and experiences. The more I meditated, the more I connected, the more I let go of my rigid beliefs about what was possible and the more I learned about quantum physics and spirituality, the more it all fell together. Everything made sense.

I tried my hand many times at mediumship and had nothing but success. Even when I was terribly nervous and thought people would surely think I was crazy, I had positive and helpful results. I was always right on the money. And so I began to learn, through my meditations and through studying many different metaphysical subjects what the truth was about life after death and about why we are here in the first place.

So, who are we and why are we here?

We are energy. We are all different expressions of the same energy that all originates from one main source, which I like to refer to as Source. We are each pure light energy that expands through experience. From a sort of zero point, our energy expands out as far as it is able and then retracts back to the center point like a drop of water would ripple out and then back in toward the center. We do this by learning through different experiences in different lifetimes. Earth is a school that we incarnate into in order to expand through a physical life experience. We are still energetic bodies of light, but we can experience this physical form through a holographic simulation. This life isn’t real at all — and this has been proven through quantum physics. When you break matter down to its smallest parts, and then look within those parts, all there is is empty space. This holographic reality plays out in a very specific way. Nothing is by accident. Before we come into these bodies, we plan what we need to learn for our expansion. We choose our parents, we choose where and into which timeline we are being born. We make contracts with other energies who will play certain roles for us within each lifetime. That is why sometimes we meet people and it feels like we’ve always known them. We choose everything, right down to the day we transition and the way it happens. Some of the experiences we plan are for our higher learning and some of them are contracted experiences for the learning of others in our lives. This is why sometimes babies are born with illnesses or die right away — this isn’t necessarily for their growth, but for the benefit of those around them. There are lessons for us and our loved ones in how we see and manage certain emotional situations. In these lives we have free will — to an extent. The truth is that everything has a plan with room for variation. Like a video game. The choices we make result in growth, no matter what we choose. It’s either a lesson learned that results in growth and expansion, or it is a bit of a detour that leads us off path where we learn due to what feels like a negative experience. And that will still, eventually, lead to a lesson learned, change in perspective and growth. In truth, there are no wrong answers or wrong choices, just detours. We each have a special purpose here. We are all part of the same energy that is expressing itself in different ways, and our specific energy is incredibly important, even though we tend to feel small in our lives. Every person is part of the working machine. Everyone creates a butterfly effect for others. It’s all part of the very intricate tapestry that creates all there is. We live each life, grow as much as we can, and then we transition. We are created of energy. Energy cannot be destroyed, but it can change form. When our energy leaves our physical body, it changes form — from physical, to non-physical. That is it. When we die, our energy has left the body. Where do you think it goes? Many people believe that there is some other place we go after death — somewhere floating in the clouds or deep within the fiery core of the Earth. In truth, where we exist now is multi-dimensional. When our energy body leaves the physical body it is still here, but the frequency is different, and so it exists on another plane of reality, which is just another layer of this plane of reality. We cannot see this form because our frequency doesn’t match it. If you think of a very thick book with many pages, and consider that all of the pages appear to be the same, but when you look more closely, there are differences in each page. That is what multi-dimensionality looks like. Every dimension has small differences, and the farther the dimensions are from one another, the more differences they have. And there are versions of you in MANY dimensions, living infinite different variations of your life. Different versions of who you are, different genders, different families, different opportunities, different timelines. And because time is a human construct it seems linear, but it really is all happening right now. Each of these variations of you are physical bodies that carry a small bit of your energy. And every single one of those is being led by your higher self — your true self, which is a MASSIVE energy that has split smaller bits of itself into each of these smaller versions. Like one energetic puppet master playing a sort of Sims game with multiple characters or avatars. As each of these avatar’s lives end, that shard of energy is returned to the whole — the higher self. After we pass, our energy returns to its home where it reviews it’s life, what it accomplished and what it still needs to accomplish. It has a rest period for however long it requires, and then it begins the process all over again. Now, some of these energies will remain in the Earth realm for certain purposes. The specific frequency of these souls depends on where each soul is on it’s journey toward higher consciousness. If it is a lower frequency vibration, that energy can remain here and attach itself to the energy fields of people who require lessons that relate to that specific energy signature. These would be energies that manifest as ghosts, demons ect. If it is a higher frequency vibration, it is witnessed as a teaching energy. That will manifest as angels, extraterrestrial light beings or teaching spirits. Everything has its place and it is ALL about learning, growth and expanding consciousness through changes in personal perspective. Everything we experience here is a manifestation of our own thought process. We are the creators and we create positive or negative experiences through our perspectives. As we see lower perspectives manifest into lower vibrational experiences, we learn lessons that change our perspectives. As those perspectives raise in frequency, we begin to experience higher vibrational experiences. Each lifetime provides another experience in which to raise that frequency. We experience duality, which is a thing that we do not experience at all outside these bodies. And Earth is not the only school we attend. Other lives are experienced in other places, as other beings, some have physical bodies, some have light bodies. But it is all for the same purpose. Expansion. Forever. These light bodies are eternal. They cannot be destroyed, they can only change form. We are energy. We do not truly die. Once we have expanded outward as far as we can, we return to the Source. Our true home. In reality, we are all a part of The One Source.

These are my beliefs. People have asked me why I believe this. How did I learn this? Partially from the experiences mentioned and partially from mediumship work. Some information was gleaned from reading materials and some from mentors. As an avid believer in meditation and tapping into higher self/universal wisdom, I am able to gather information that way, as well. My inner knowing is very strong and I’ve been doing this for so long that I have developed a trust in what I do. I’ve had many instances where I was unsure but trusted myself anyway — and my information has never been wrong. Untimely — certainly! But in time, truth always prevails. I trust what I am given and can feel where the information doesn’t add up. Because of what I do, I need to have a very thorough and somewhat clinical understanding of life processes — why we are here, how the different vibrations interact with one another and why, why we die and what happens then. I have to understand why people do what they do and what that means for us and for their souls. When I am speaking to someone who has passed violently, I need to be able to see that situation from an objective point of view and not react to it emotionally or in judgement. I have to be able to get this information to a loved one in a way that is both accurate and palatable. I have to be able to understand all of the moving parts and still get that information transferred to someone who is mourning in a way that is loving and soothing. It can be a lot! At one point I saw it as a burden to be carried, but I now can see it as the blessing it is. I am honored to be able to provide closure, peace and understanding to those who may not otherwise be offered those luxuries.

It’s not for everyone, and I would never wish to put my personal beliefs on anyone as “right”. I simply wish to share what I believe and my reasoning with anyone who has a curiosity or an openness to hearing different points of view.



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Cosmic Wingman

Cosmic Wingman

I am a woman deeply involved in unraveling the mystery of life. I am a shaman in the making, a human unfolding, examining all perspectives. These are my words.